Guys usually get into trouble when they allow a woman to have too much (if not all) control in a relationship. She decides when you go out, when you have sex, and which friends you can keep. She may even decide (not suggest) what color of clothes you wear to a party.
Relinquishing a majority of control is a classic example of a man believing he doesn’t deserve to be with a certain type of woman, or a man who feels too weak that he cannot make decisions on his own. If you’re a good man and deserve a good woman, you deserve a good relationship. Swinging the power meter closer to a 50-50 deal would be more beneficial for you. An even platform feels a whole lot better than a 80-20 deal, and you can’t afford to be on the 20 end of the spectrum.
IMPORTANT: Women are not called the weaker sex because their bones are not strong. It is because they have a lot of difficulty resisting evil. When you give a woman too much power, you will be disrespected mercilessly.
2.) Trying to Invoke Too Much Control Of Your Own.
Even though you shouldn’t relinquish complete control of the relationship to the lady in your life, you also shouldn’t hoard it all for yourself. Power struggles can create a competitive environment, and there is no place for competition in a relationship. Truth be told, most people like some level of control in their lives and this includes their relationships with significant others.
Men should attempt to work with their mates to maintain respectable levels of control. Whether it’s your heavy-handed decision-making or a demanding attitude, women don’t like control freaks, and an over-bearing guy reeks of insecurity.
3.) Believing that today’s good deeds will still be good tomorrow.
Women have short memories. Flowers and candy mean you love her today, but tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to prove your love all over again. A man often lingers on his good motives and may not understand how his sweetie can throw a hissy-fit while wearing the new dress he bought just three days ago.
Being a good boy scout doesn’t mean you are no longer obligated to do your chores. Keep doing the things you know are necessary for relationship success. Women appreciate a good deed, but they appreciate continuous good deeds even more.
4.) Being domineering or overly possessive.
If your lady tells you that she likes possessive, egotistical, iron-fisted dictators–you might be in for the perfect relationship. That is, if your name is Joseph Stalin. However, most women don’t tolerate the overly jealous types and no woman wants a domineering man.
Biblical principles tell us that a man should lead. However, this worthy duty calls for an enormous amount of responsibility and maturity. A man should never believe that his mate is beneath him spiritually, or emotionally, and a relationship should not view women as possessions.
5.) Allowing family members or friends to dictate what happens in the relationship.
This is an absolute NO-NO. If you are married and allow your in-laws to have any measure of control in your relationship, you are undoubtedly treading on paper-thin ice.
Your wife should not be subjected to this either. Even if she allows you to use a bossy tone with her, she most certainly doesn’t appreciate it coming from your mama, your aunt, or anyone else. Women don’t like being told what to do (see Mistake #4), and it irks them even more when it’s being dished out by another woman.
You should not allow your wife’s family to make decisions that directly affect your relationship. Everybody has an opinion, but it’s the couple’s opinions that matter most. Outside opinions or ideas shouldn’t be used to influence your relationship bond.
6.) Always kissing up.
She’s your beautiful queen. A sugar-dumplin’, honey-spiced, chocolate bunny pie. But she’s also a human being. Which means if she commands respect, she also has the ability to return it.
Some people deserve respect simply because they exist:
a) Your mother – because she’s a woman and ushered your nappy-head into the world.
b) Women in general – because they’re women and the Good Bible tells us that we’re supposed to be respectful.
Outside of that, all other respect is earned. Don’t be so apologetic (unless you’ve really screwed up); don’t assume that she’s always right; and don’t take the blame for something that isn’t your fault. More importantly, don’t place your lady on such a high pedestal that she forgets where the ground is. A truly level-headed sister wouldn’t want to be that high, and may eventually resent being in a relationship with a big pushover.
7.) Complacency.
If you are not exactly where you want to be in your life (financially, academically, or spiritually) it’s okay. That’s life. And while women tend to focus more on the future, you shouldn’t worry about having the world in your palm when you first meet.
Over time, most women will expect to see progress and eventually, results. Don’t sit idle and allow life to pass you by. Even if you’re not the biggest fish in the pond, being tenacious and goal-oriented is all any woman could ask for. If she’s asking for more, you might want to reconsider the type of woman you’re with.
8.) Choosing a woman based on appearance alone.
This is really dangerous, but all men know that it is extremely difficult to look past the sexiness. Physical attraction is important for both men and women, but we sometimes forget to investigate other critical attributes we need in a woman.
Since we are from the ‘Planet of Imagery’, male judgment is often clouded in the beginning of a relationship. A man’s interest in physical compatibility may keep him from thinking about other crucial attributes until it’s too late. Don’t forget the essential qualities like compassion, compatibility, and whether or not she makes any sense when she speaks.
9.) Placing someone (anyone) or something before your mate.
This includes friends, relatives, co-workers, animals, your car, your hobbies, etc.
Granted, there will be times when you want to hang with the boys, or occasions when you have to spend extra time working on that important project. But those things should never hold more meaning than your relationship. When a woman feels that someone or something is more important than her, you will surely have problems getting her to respond to anything you have to say.
10.) Yielding to temptation from other women.
For some odd reason, women are frequently more attracted to men who are attached, or already married. This isn’t a good thing if you’re in a strong relationship and have a weakness for lust. Your wife or girlfriend isn’t stupid–she knows that you can’t help but look at other women from time to time. But that’s as far as it goes.
If the tempter is cognizant of the situation and isn’t a woman of good moral character — (and she likely isn’t since she’s obviously seeking to tempt), she may not care about disrupting your relationship — especially if she knows you’re interested in stepping out of line. Be vigilant when this happens. It takes a lot of patience and integrity to go against the grain. Being tempted is natural. Yielding to it is not very wise.
No comments:
Post a Comment